Modern Jokes
Ultimate Joke - Man, Wife and Dog
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most Unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a second one About 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man Walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in Single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, And I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral Like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is It?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first One asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Join the queue."
How does a sardarji dial 9844498444?
First he dails 98444 and then presses
'REDIAL'....!
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70 yr old man asks his wife "Do u feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?"
Wife replies "Not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it!
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A sleeping lion is stronger than a barking dog.
so a sleeping student is better than a barking teacher.
By
last bench assoctiation
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Sardar was driving very fast in road. Police stoped his bike & asked "WhY you are going so fast?"
Then sardar said "i know this is accident area so i want to pass this road soon"
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A toilet is like a committee meeting.
People come with a lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately Drop The Matter. . .
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If ABCD=American born confused desi
So how about ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ?
It is:
american born confused desi emigrated from gujarat, housed in jersey, keeping lots of motels, named omkarnath patel, quickly reached success through underhanded vicious ways,xenophobic yet zestful.
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Democratic difference b/w india and usa...... In usa you can kiss at public place but cant piss... In india you can piss in public not kiss
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Police- sir raatri kaidigalu ramayana naatka adidru sir!!
PSI- adukke neenyake ishtondu gabriyagidiya
police- sir, sanjivni tharoke hogidda Hanuman innu wapas bandila
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Sardarji got a sms from his girl friend
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied
"I Mr YOU".......
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Diference betwen mother & lover - Wen u r fixing a bulb standng on a chair & can't reach. Lover wil say "u r too short" & Mom'll say "chair is too short"
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Before marriage 'MAD FOR EACH OTHER' during marriage 'MADE FOR EACH OTHER' after marriage 'MAD BECAUSE OF EACH OTHER'
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Patient: Dr. Nange hotte nalli problem aagide. Idli tindre belige Idline horage barutte. Anna tindre Annane horage barutte.
Dr.: Hangadre Hel tinnu.
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Why do sanyasis have so much resistance 2 worldly pleasure?
Bcoz they constantly keep saying OHM! OHM! the unit of resistance...
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Tip for the exams: look above for inspiration, below for concentration and to your sides for information
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Sardar parked his car in No Parking area.. When he returned saw a notice on his car- "Parking Fine".
Sardar writes "Thanks for the compliments"
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Height of offensive behaviour: you fart so loud in sleep that you wake yourself up and shout "who is that using a drilling machine at this hour"
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Swamigalu yake maradha slipper hakuthare?
Hudugiru kalu mutti namaskara madidhaga short circute agade erali antha....!
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Doctor: Sir your kidney has Failed!
Sardar: Doctor wat r u talking my Kidney never went to school then how it wil get failed!!!
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Prof : Define Seminar?
Sardar : Seminar is defined as a process in which one person spoils his sleep for days in an effort to make others Sleep.
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Teacher : "what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?" Sardar student:"u can call him anything. He cannot hear, anyway..
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Teacher: tell two compound sentences.
Sardar kid:
1.stick no bills,
2. Please don't urinate
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Lifestyles:
Indian- I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers wat abt u?
American- I hav no sis or bro but I hav 4moms from my 1st dad and 5dads from my 1st mom
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Sardar always Studies in front Of a mirror B'coz
1. It helps In saving Revision time!
2. He can Keep a watch On himself..!
3. He likes Combined Studies...!
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Funny names of shops
1.MAHATHMA GANDHI HAIR DRESERS
2.SRI GOMATESHWARA TEXTILE
3.GOVINDA LOTTERIES
4.PARVATHAMMA FITNES CENTRE
5.VYKUNTA CLINIC!
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A man got 2 wishes from a fairy. He asked for d best drink & d best woman in d world. Instantly he had aquafina & Mother Teresa beside him!
MORAL: be specific
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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control
of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years...
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Ek Cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki achanak ek chooha wahan aaya aur bola
"mere bhai chhod do nasha, aao mere sath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere saath duniya dekho"
Cheetay ne ak lamha socha phir choohe ke sath daudhne laga.
Aage ek haathi afeem pi raha tha, chooha phir bola,
"haathi mere bhai chhod do nasha, aao mere saath bhaago, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai, aao mere sath duniya dekho"
Haathi bhi sath daudne laga.
Agay sher whisky peene ki taiyaari kar raha tha, choohe ne usay bhi wohi kaha.
Sher ne glass side par rakha aur choohe ko 5- 6 thappar maare.
Haathi bola, "are ye to tumhe zindagi ki taraf le ja raha ha, kyon maar rahay ho is bechare ko ?"
Sher bola, "yeh Saala pichhli baar bhi cocaine pi kar mujhe 3 ghante jungle mai ghumata raha". J
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An Old Story:-
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Indian Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt
support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard
in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions & in Government Services.
The Ant is unable to cope with the Resesrvation and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Congress takes the credit for always caring about the AAM Grasshopeer.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India ,
.
..AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
grasshoppers...,.
.
.
India is still a developing country…!!!
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There were three friends Tall,All,Small.One day Tall and Small went to the Doctor for the treatment but
All didnt Go.why?
Because,
ALL is WELL
courtesy: 3idiots
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Rajnikanth told something in the ears of villain and he died.Guess what Rajni told in his hears
Ans:Ditchcaun....
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1+0=1
1*0=0
1-0=1
den
1/0=?
dis was d qstion 1ce asked 2 RAJNIKANTH nd he said,
"I dnt kno!"
Thats why it's declared as
"Not Defined"..!
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Once while playing Rajnikanth said "STATUE" to a person.........
Now that person is known as "STATUE OF LIBERTY"....
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a 22 whealer huge truck once met with an accident against RAJINIKANTH
.
.
.
.
Since then,
it is called TATA NANO.
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